E hōʻoluʻolu mai i kō ʻoukou mau naʻau.
Comfort your hearts

Pukui, Mary Kawena, Elbert, Samuel H. (1965). Hawaiian Dictionary

ALOHA FOCUS FOR THE WEEK: ʻOLUʻOLU

Seven years separate my sister and me. As an older adult, a seven year age difference is nothing, but as a kid, seven years is a generation. Always in different developmental stages, we never attended the same school at the same time. While she tested my parents limits during her rebellious adolescence, I relished the attention my parents gave me while I frolicked in my cute stage. Consequently, that age difference kept us from getting close. I was an irritant when she just wanted to be left alone.

As the eldest child, she broke my parents in. She made all the mistakes, most typical for a teenager in the 70s and thus serving as the anti-example for me and my younger sister. This further widened the distance between us as I did not hold much respect for my sister and was thus insufferable to her.

Throughout my life, I made my fair share of mistakes. Hundreds, maybe thousands committed having very minor impact and ultimately fading from memory. Like my older sister, the type most people make as they are growing up and learning to navigate relationships. One, however sticks out in my memory as it forever reshaped my relationship with my sister and what it means to be an adult.

As our annual Christmas Eve party at my aunty and uncles house up in Hale Kou wrapped up, my sister, aunty and I were standing in the kitchen. My aunty stood before the sink washing dishes while we helped put away the food. My aunty turned to us and playfully warned us to make sure and help our mom with the dishes the following night when we have our Christmas Day dinner. Quick with the insults and slow to anticipate the consequences of my actions, I made a sarcastic remark about how lazy my sister was. It was not any more harsh than the usual insults I threw out, but for some reason it hit my sister hard. She broke down crying, made a swift kick to my rear, and ran off. Being that the rest of the family had been celebrating in the next room, the outburst left behind a terribly awkward silence.

Christmas passed with a suffocating tension lingering between my sister and me. I began to feel bad, a foreign feeling I hate to admit since I was already in my late teens. A few days before New Years, my father pulled me aside. He told me that I have to make things right before the new year begins. Naturally, I needed to apologize to my sister. However my dad said that I also needed to apologize to my brother-in-law. My father explained that not only did my words hurt my sister, it affected her husband. He was there to help her feel better and reassure her that my words meant nothing. By hurting my sister, I hurt him. The expectation to apologize to my brother-in-law shocked me. I did not consider how it might impact him or their home life. I did not intend to hurt my sister so much and I definitely did not intend to trouble him.

Given our tumultuous relationship and the words to apologize to my sister came easily. Unfortunately I upset her many times before followed by a trite “I’m sorry.” This time, however, impacting my brother-in-law added a different gravity. While the sincerity came easy, the words to express my earnestness escaped me.  

On New Year’s Eve back at my aunty’s house, with my sister’s apology accomplished, I found my brother-in-law sitting with all of the uncles outside. A decade my senior, I could not maintain eye contact as the apology tumbled from my tongue. At first he studied me as if to measure the conviction behind my words. He then noisily exhaled nonchalantly, gave my shoulder a friendly slap with his huge hands, and said, “nah no worry about it.”

I felt relieved and humbled. It was my first adult apology, carving a new neural pathway in my prefrontal cortex. While my mouth and immaturity continued to cause me to make mistakes well into my twenties, each subsequent time I experienced greater pause. Each time projecting my brother-in-law’s face scrutinizing me, reminding me to own the mistakes of my past and committing to learn from them.

5 PURSUITS of ʻOLUʻOLU

Inspired by Gholdy Muhammad

Please watch this: A Pair of Red Clogs written by Masako Matsuno and illustrated by Kazue Mizumura. Then with you child, answer the following:

• IDENTITY:  Ask your kupuna what it was like when they were your age. Was there anything they cherished, like Mako, the main character’s red clogs?
• SKILLS: In the story, Mako uses onomatopoeia to describe the sound her clogs make. Come up with a word that describes the sounds your shoes make when walking in different places and in different weather.
• INTELLECT: Research Japanese geta (wooden clogs) and how they influenced the types of slippers and sandals we wear today.
• CRITICALITY: Why does Mako decide to tell the truth and give up trying to trick her mother? Who helps you make honest decisions?
• JOY: Thinking about the love and respect shown within Mako’s family, talk with your kupuna how your family shows love and respect for each other.

A PARADE OF HOLIDAY SPIRIT

Saturday morning brought another Kāneʻohe Christmas Parade where our very own Kāneʻohe Alala and Pū kani (the students who lead our piko every morning) recited an ʻoli about Koʻolaupoko. Following them, members of our Lokahi dance program led by Ms. Nyonda danced their way across town. Bringing up the rear of our contingent, our student council passed out goodies to the kids lined up along the road. Mahalo nui loa to our VP Kalei Tim-Sing, Academic Coach Cherisse Yamada and Wali Camvel for organizing our entry into the Kāneʻohe Christmas Parade and for all of our students and parent volunteers who joined us. A special mahalo goes out to our staff members who brought their ʻohana and joined us including kindergarten teachers Mrs. Murakami and Mrs. Haines, 4th grade teacher Mrs. Keawe, 6th grade teachers Mrs. Ng and Ms. Ho, and Academic Coach Mrs. Sekimitsu.

CONTINUED PRACTICES:

NOʻAHUNA OF ALOHA

See Uncle Pono Shim explain the Noʻahuna, the esoteric meaning, of Aloha as taught to him by Aunty Pilahi, the Keeper of Secrets.

WEAR KĀNEʻOHE SHIRT WEDNESDAYS

Help us build unity and show our lōkahi by wearing a shirt that celebrates Kāneʻohe on Wednesdays. Wear any previous Fun Run or grade level shirt.

DAILY VIRTUAL PIKO

At the Daily Piko, we share thoughts on the Aloha value for the week which helps us become centered and ready to learn. We begin at 8 AM everyday except Wednesdays.

UPCOMING EVENTS

Good natured; not easily provoked; good humored as applied to a nature of ease and cheerfulness. 

Parker, A Dictionary of the Hawaiian Language, 1865

ALOHA FOCUS FOR THE WEEK: ʻOLUʻOLU

Picture ʻohe flexibly swaying back-n-forth while withstanding a hurricane without breaking. Like the ʻohe, the true strength and resiliency of aloha is most evident in times of stress. It’s easy to show aloha when others are showing it as well. But in the hurricanes of our relationships, when challenges and conflict arise, being ʻoluʻolu is most needed.

A person who aptly represented ʻoluʻolu was Congresswoman Patsy Mink. A groundbreaker in many regards. In 1956, Congresswoman Mink was the first woman to serve in the Hawaiʻi legislature and in 1964, the first woman of color elected to Congress. To attain these positions of power, she had to persevered through all of the “no”s and doors shut in her face due to her gender and race. 

Congresswoman Mink initially aspired to be a physician but was denied entry to every medical school to which she applied. Disheartened but not defeated, she decided to go into law, graduating from the University of Chicago as only one of two women. After passing the bar, no firm would hire her, a mother and wife in an interracial marriage. So she decided to open her own practice taking on cases that focused on women’s issues, cases other law firms would turn away.

Congresswoman eventually sought public office where she made numerous contributions. She put forward the first childcare bill and legislation establishing bilingual education. She paved the way for students to obtain loans to go to college. She helped establish special education and the Head Start program. Most significantly, Congresswoman Mink was the primary author of Title IX which barred sexual discrimination in institutions receiving federal funds and opened opportunities for women in athletics. 

I was fortunate to have met Congresswoman Mink twice. Once, as a clueless child, I appeared in one of her campaign commercials. My neighbor was an influential advisor to Congresswoman Mink and she gathered a bunch of the kids on our street to listen to Congresswoman Mink tell us a story. Nearly 25 years later, I sat with Congresswoman Mink in her office at the US Capitol to share with her about National Board Certification for Teachers. In both cases, Congresswoman Mink’s kind heart shone through. She listened intently asked thoughtful questions. I left both instances feeling like I mattered to her. Especially on that second visit, I could feel her fierce, enduring spirit. Until her death, Congresswoman Mink was ʻoluʻolu in her values and beliefs, always fighting for those with less power and voice.

PS – Here’s a video which nicely captures Congresswoman Mink’s legacy from her Alma Mater, the University of Nebraska.

5 PURSUITS of ʻOLUʻOLU:

Inspired by Gholdy Muhammad

This week we are treated to a special read-aloud by Kāneʻohe Elementary School alumnus and former parent, Congresswoman Jill Tokuda. Patsy Mink served as an inspiration to Rep. Tokuda, motivating her to follow a passion for helping people through the political process. As a lifelong Menehune, Rep. Tokuda also strives to practice aloha and remain ʻoluʻolu through the challenges she faces…much the same as Patsy Mink. 

Please watch this: Fall Down 7 Times Get Up 8 Jen Bryant and Illustrated by Toshiki Nakamura. Then with you child, answer the following:

• IDENTITY: As a Japanese-American, “Fall Down 7 Times Get Up 8” what a cultural saying and value that greatly  influenced Patsy Mink. Discuss with a kupuna, what is one of the sayings that is important to your culture?
• SKILLS: How does the author use “Fall Down 7 Times Get Up 8” throughout the story?
• INTELLECT: Research a woman athlete that benefited from Title IX. 
• CRITICALITY: Patsy Mink used her position as congresswoman to diminish discrimination against women and people of color. How might you, as a student, work towards ending hate and discrimination?
• JOY: Just as Patsy Mink inspired Representative Tokuda, think about and discuss who inspires you to do better and be resilient?

A Parent’s Guide to Surviving Middle School

The Atlantic recently published “A Parent’s Guide to Surviving Middle School” with 10 tips from Russell Shaw, head of school at Georgetown Day School in Washington, D.C.. While focused on middle school students, the tips Shaw provides are definitely applicable for parents of students in upper elementary. Here are a few:

• There’s No Such Thing as Normal:  Shaw notes that how children develop is “neither linear nor predictable.” They grow at their own pace, often in spurts after following a period of little change. He warns that children often wonder if they are “normal.” He suggests, “avoid comparing your child’s growth with that of their peers or even their siblings. They’ll do this on their own. Instead, reassure them: ʻYou’re exactly as tall as you’re supposed to be right now.’”
• Don’t Get on the Roller Coaster: Children’s internal chemistry and physicality goes through immense change during this period. Their emotions and mental state can as if they are on a roller coaster. Shaw cautions that rather than reacting to their child’s volatile emotions, parents should remain grounded, providing stability and reliability – like a lighthouse.
• More Limits Online, More Freedom IRL: Shaw observes, “One of the great mysteries of modern parenting is why so many parents have radically restricted their children’s freedom in the physical world while giving them free rein in the virtual one.” As the latest research shows, being online tends to make children “less physically fit, more anxious, less focused, more isolated.” Meanwhile in the physical world, free play (not structured) has been shown to help to foster creativity, resilience and strengthen social interaction in children.
• Befriend Your School: Shaw asserts, “A teacher will never know a student in the same way as their parent, who has years of history with their child.” However because veteran educators have taught hundreds of children over the years, they have a strong understanding of what’s in the range of normal behavior. “If your child is struggling, reaching out to the school can help put these struggles in context. Ideally, home and school can collaborate on a path forward, one that draws on the unique insights that each party brings.” 
• We also know that in this stage of development, adolescents tend to be hyperbolic. They exaggerate and dramatically expound. Ever hear your child yell, “You’re so mean! You never let me do anything! I hate you!”? We realize that at times they paint the same picture about school – “We don’t do anything in that class!” “My teacher hates me.” And this might be right after they were uncontrollably laughing with their class engaging in a fun learning activity the teacher planned. Shaw says, “One of my favorite lines to share with parents is: ‘If you believe half of what they tell you about us, we’ll believe half of what they tell us about you.’” That said, we are in this together and your child will benefit much more when we act as partners.

Read the entire insightful list at the Atlantic.

CONTINUED PRACTICES:

NOʻAHUNA OF ALOHA

See Uncle Pono Shim explain the Noʻahuna, the esoteric meaning, of Aloha as taught to him by Aunty Pilahi, the Keeper of Secrets.

WEAR KĀNEʻOHE SHIRT WEDNESDAYS

Help us build unity and show our lōkahi by wearing a shirt that celebrates Kāneʻohe on Wednesdays. Wear any previous Fun Run or grade level shirt.

DAILY VIRTUAL PIKO

At the Daily Piko, we share thoughts on the Aloha value for the week which helps us become centered and ready to learn. We begin at 8 AM everyday except Wednesdays.

UPCOMING EVENTS